1. Arranged Marriage
2. Introduced by Match-makers
3. Introduced by a mutual Friend
4. By “Divine” Revelation
5. Met at the Right Place – school/work/bible study/church/youth group/youth camp/volunteer center, mission trip….
6. Internet (online) Dating services
7. Commercial dating cervices
1. ARRANGED MARRIAGE
There is a tendency for people nowadays to feel that Arranged Marriage is a mark of primitivity. There is this notion that two people who did not “love” each other brought together by the will of their families to become husband and wife are doomed to fail. There may be some truth to fact that arranged marriage make two strangers husband and wife. But come to think about it critically, quite a number of marriages are contracted by two “strangers” except for those who married from the same home town or local church where they were born into. It has not been shown that people who have known each other for so long a time have not been proved to be more stable than marriages arranged for between couples that met barely at the wedding. In all practical essence, arranged marriages are rarely between two strangers. Although families involved introduce, recommend, coerce, or compel either the man or the woman to go into the marriage, it does happen that prior to the wedding arrangements, the couple do have a wing of who the spouse might be. In some strict cases, they may not have known each other. One thing that is good about arranged marriage is that if the couple decide to do their most in the marriage, they go through the growing in love process together and work out their differences and form unbreakable bonds. They will use their early romance to lay a solid foundation that is lost by those who have cohabited before marriage. Sex between the couple is a discovery that generally speaking is a good thing when compared to those who have burned off their sexual passion at the trial marriage stage. Another good that can be found in this not so liked marriage arrangement is that there is maximum family support needed in the early stages of marriage and family development. Yet another good thing about arranged marriage is that rarely does it happen that a marriage is contracted with a serial killer or a prostitute. The attributes of the couples are known to some extent.
2. INTRODUCED BY MATCH-MAKERS
Match making is similar to Arranged Marriage with a little difference. The similarity is mainly in the area of pressure from the Match Maker if one of the couple is not willing. Another similarity is that powerful and influential people are involved in making the pair that would fit together in marriage. these may include Pastors, Ministers of religion,professional Match-Makers, etc. The pressure mounts on the spouses especially on the girl if she is saying “NO” to this man of “great” wealth and potential. Match making can be a good thing but can really end up with resentment and bitterness especially if the marriage turned out soar. Blame fills everywhere!
3. INTRODUCED BY A MUTUAL FRIEND
A mutual friend may not be as intimidating as A Match-Maker. However, it is a form of match making when your friend introduces you to another person he/she thinks that would make a good spouse. One of the dangers of this formula is that you are trusting the usual good judgment of your friends that he/she knows this other person well enough that such a one will be suitable. This is often not the case, especially if this other person being introduced to you is not a family member. However, the advantage is that you have a reference point of contact and a starting point. If a mutual friend introduced you to your spouse, it is very important to treat the relations independent of one another. The boundaries so established will help so much if marriage occurs.
4. “REVELATION” BY GOD
I deliberately put the word “Revelation” on quotes because the word means a lot of different things to different people. In as much as I am very aware that God reveals spouses to one another, it is important to be sure that one does not use the name of God to manipulate or intimidate another. It is not unusual for people to receive “revelations” and “dreams” when it comes to who to marry. But if you don’t receive “revelations” on doing the work of God, I personally will question your “revelations” when it comes to who to marry. God uses different ways and means to reach and speak to His children. It makes more sense that God will speak to you in a consistent manner whether by dreams, or vision, or inner voice, or through others in other aspects of your life as He would when it comes to who to marry. How did you choose what to study in the College? How did you choose what job to take? How did you choose what city to live in? How did you choose what church to attend? How did you choose your friends? How many of these and other things come to you through dreams? Or through trance revelation? I am not suggesting that some of these may not come through dreams. It depends on the individual’s walk with God. But let us fact the facts! We must follow the guidance that we have developed over years in working with God when it comes to marriage. Let us come off from these spectacular stories of God’s leading unless we have them in other areas of our lives.
5. MET AT THE RIGHT PLACE (SCHOOL/WORK/BIBLE STUDY/CHURCH/YOUTH GROUP/YOUTH CAMP/VOLUNTEER CENTER/MISSION TRIP….)
The most common way to meet a spouse is the way we meet new friends! If you follow the rule of making new friends, you are most likely going to enjoy meeting the spouse you will come to love and cherish so much. This is my number one recommendation because it serves as the equalizer! There is no special pressure group pushing you one way or the other. You are making the decision based on data that you must gather by yourself and through other trusted family, brethren and friends. Those who goof in this choice plan are typically those who refused or are ignorant of making the appropriate background checks. See the section on Background checks. In the Bible, we can say that Isaac and Jacob got their wives through this kind of connection. Although one may insist that Isaac’s was a semi-arranged marriage, if you look at it without this prejudice, you will notice that Eliezer met the girl by the well where women draw water. In effect, Rebecca got her husband by going about her regular job in the family.
6. INTERNET (ONLINE) DATING SERVICES
Of all places to meet a spouse, online dating is the worse of all. It is similar to meeting your spouse in a Night Club. The internet is still a faceless media. Good people and wicked people parade the internet faceless that you cannot know who is who. One of my dear friends traveled from Seattle, Washington to meet an internet date in New York. A distance of over three thousand miles! What was her experience? A disaster! This other man in New Haven Connecticut (USA) met his online lover from Astonia (Russia)! After he lost so much money, he learned his lessons that faceless media is NOT the place to meet a spouse. Another lady from Russia traveled all the way to Kentucky, USA and live two years with this “great” husband met over the internet. The outcome of that marriage is a sorry affair. I have met people over the internet. They contacted me through my exhortations published in one of my web sites. These are real wonderful people! We have exchange pictures and visits! Will these great contacts make me endorse “Online Spouse”? By no means! Find a spouse by online dating is quite different than meeting people online on other matters of life. It is not altogether different than going to a Bible Study primarily to meet a spouse. The artificial creation of a place to meet spouse still remains the most dangerous venture in creating a family for life!
7. COMMERCIAL DATING SERVICES
You get what you paid for! These commercial dating services seem to begin to make real money out of highly successful career men and women who don’t have great social skills. When carried out properly, the Commercial Dating Services may have carried out the basic Background Checks for you so that you don’t start off with a serial killer! There are definitely better ways than paying money to someone to get you a spouse.
